I know I am getting old

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My uncle always hated eating mushrooms.

But now that he's dead, they're beginning to grow on him.

When is it bad luck to have a black cat follow you?

When you are a mouse.

I saw 2 guys wearing matching clothing and asked if they were gay.

They quickly arrested me.

I went for a job interview today.

The interviewer said, "After looking at your CV, it seems that you like to eat a lot."

"I haven't written anything about it," I said, "How did you know?"

"Well," he replied, "There are ketchup and mayonnaise stains all over your fucking CV."

I know I am getting old.

I was watching some porn and found myself worrying that the plumber would lose his job for taking so long.

I bought a dog and called him shark.
I'm now banned from every beach in England.

What did the kid say when he ran out of Egyptian jokes?

He asked his mummy.

(keep laughing)

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