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The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do it in. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you are doing.

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The more trivial your research, the more people will read it and agree.

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The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.

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The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets.

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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar."

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I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time.

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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings . . . Boy With Pail . . . Kitten On Fire.

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One time I went to a museum where all the work in the museum had been done by children. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators.

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Last time I went to the movies I was thrown out for bringing my own food. My argument was that the concession stand prices are outrageous. Besides, I haven't had a Bar-B-Que in a long time.

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One time I went to a drive-in in a taxi cab. The movie cost me $95.