When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

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After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

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By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

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I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

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"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

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There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.It's called marriage."

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I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."

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Two secrets to keep your marriage going-1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

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A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

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First Guy (proudly):"My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."