“Never moon a werewolf.” - Mike Binder
“If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.” - Bobcat Goldthwait
“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.” - Elayne Boosler
“Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?”
- John Mendoza