My uncle always hated eating mushrooms.
But now that he's dead, they're beginning to grow on him.
When is it bad luck to have a black cat follow you?
When you are a mouse.
I saw 2 guys wearing matching clothing and asked if they were gay.
They quickly arrested me.
I went for a job interview today.
The interviewer said, "After looking at your CV, it seems that you like to eat a lot."
"I haven't written anything about it," I said, "How did you know?"
"Well," he replied, "There are ketchup and mayonnaise stains all over your fucking CV."
I know I am getting old.
I was watching some porn and found myself worrying that the plumber would lose his job for taking so long.
I bought a dog and called him shark.
I'm now banned from every beach in England.
What did the kid say when he ran out of Egyptian jokes?
He asked his mummy.