Chinese detective Chen Lee……another chinglish example (Chinese English)

A man suspecting his wife was seeing another man hired a famous Chinese detective named Chen Lee. Chen Lee was hired to watch and report any activities while the husband was gone.

A few days later the husband received this report :

------------------- Most honorable Sir

You leave house I watch house He come to house, I watch He and she leave house, I follow He and she go to hotel, I climb tree I look in window He kiss she, she kiss he He strip she, she strip he He play with she, she play with he I play with me, I fall off tree I not see No fee