10 funny Adult Jokes… (+18)

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A guy enters a bank to see about getting a business loan.

"What kind of business do you want to start?" asks the bank manager.

"I have some black powder. You sprinkle it on a women's vagina and it makes it taste like a peach."

"I don't think we can give you a loan." he replied.

So the guy left. A few months later he went into the bank with a wheel barrel filled with money.

The same bank manager said, "Congratulations, I guess that idea for black powder really paid off."

"Nah, that didn't go anywhere. I made my money with this white powder."

"Really," replied the bank manager. "What does it do?"

"Give me a peach and I'll show you."

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Taxi driver, Banta, picked up a girl after a day's hard work, went home with her and took her to bed. He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face.

"What's the matter? Didn't I satisfy you?" Banta asked.

"It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble," said the angry girl.

"In your sleep, you felt my breasts and mumbled, 'What perfect headlights.' Then you felt my thighs and murmured, 'What a smooth finish.'"

"Well, what's wrong with that?" asked Banta.

"Nothing, but then you felt between my legs and yelled, 'Who the hell left the garage door open?'"

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There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.

He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick.

We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except.... and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'" "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols.

He opened it and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo.

The businessman laughed, and said

"Big f*cking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied,

"But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."

He pointed to a door and said

"Voodoo dick, the door."

The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle.

Before the door could split, the old man said

"Voodoo dick, get back in your box!"

The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pu$$y."

He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny.

She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her , but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pu$$y!"

The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.

After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting.

She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off . So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pu$$y, and wouldn't stop screwing.

The officer looked at her for a second, and then said

"Yeah, right.. Voodoo dick, my a$$!"

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One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a

well. The animal cried piteously for hours as

the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the

well needed to be covered up anyway;

it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and

help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began

to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the

donkey realized what was happening and cried

horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he

quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally

looked down the well. He was astonished at what

he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his

back, the donkey was doing something amazing.

He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel

dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it

off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey

stepped up over the edge of the well and

happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds

of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well

is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of

our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out

of the deepest wells just by not stopping,

never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. *

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:*

( as you read this think of birds singing, butterflies fluttering

and little bitty rabbits scampering about )

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more.

Expect less

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

NOW BACK TO REALITY

Enough of that crap *. .. . *The donkey later came back,

and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.

The gash from the bite got infected and

the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

*AND THE

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON IS: *

*When you do something wrong, and try to cover **

your ass, it ALWAYS comes back to bite you.

mething wrong, and try to cover **

your ass, it ALWAYS comes back to bite you.

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Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language).

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time." "And if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis...fifty times"

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Mr. Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from AEC (Ahmedabad Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid.

"Am I speaking to Mrs. Sharma?"

"Yes….speaking

AEC guy says, "You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the AEC guy.

"What are you saying?

It's in your files......

HOW?????

"Yes ............... We have a system of finding out who's overdue"

"GOD!!!!!!.........this is too much..........she says"

"Madam, I am sorry...... I am following orders.... I have to inform you are overdue", the AEC guy says.

"I know that. Let me talk to my husband about this tonight.... he will speak to your company tomorrow"

That night, she tells her husband about the phone call and he, mad as a bull, the next day morning rushes to AEC office.

"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at AEC, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."

"PAY you?

And if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

--------------------------

Ek Ameer Aadmi Ke Paas Bander Hota Hay Jo Buhat Harami Hota Hay.....ek Din Bander Jungle Main Bhag Jata Hay Aur Us Jungle Main Sirf Banderiya He Banderya Hoti Hain....aadmi Elaan Kerta Hay Ke Jo Bander Dhooondh Ker Layega Us Ko Malaa Maal Ker Dya Jayega....buhat Sare Log Atey Hain Laken Woh Banderya He Pakar Ker Late Hain...

Ek Din Ek Admi Ata Hay Or Dawa Kerta Hay Ke Woh Bander Dhoondh Ker Layega Lekin Paysay Advance Main Lega.....

Sab Bolte Hain Ok.......

Woh Jungle Main Jata Hay Or Zor Say Bolta Hay: Salam Alikum ..main Aap Ka President Pravez Musharrf Hoon ...toh Jungle Main Say Awaz Ati Hay Ke Pravez Musharrf Hay Tu Mere L*nd Say...

.aadmi Zor Say Bolta Hay Pakar Lo Bhench*d Ko Yehi Bander Hay

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There was a couple going at it for the first time, and they were going at it for a while when the guy asks the girl to open her legs a little wider. She does and they continue.

A few minutes go by and he asks her again, "open your legs a little wider".

She does, then he asks again, "a little wider hun".

The girl starts getting pissed off but she does it. Till finally he asks again, "Can you open them just a little wider?"

So she finally yells "what are you trying to do get your balls in too?"

He says "No, I'm trying to get them out!"

-----------------------------------------

Ek Prostitute ne apna profession change karne ka soocha aur uski friend ne use teacher banane ki salah di.

School mein interview hua ...

Principal ne poochha : What can u teach? Zoology, Biology, Physilogy or Geology?

Prostitute ne jawab diya: I can only teach - "DAALOGY & NIKALOGI"

--------------------------------------

what indicates the color of panty ?

black: sexy

blue : charming

red : denger

white: not tonoght

brown: never washed

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  Posted on Thursday, July 9th, 2009 at 5:20 PM under   उड़ते तीर | RSS 2.0 Feed
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